how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
