Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
