The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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