My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
