Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
