At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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