We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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