It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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