But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
