The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just invented taco cereal.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
