I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
