There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
