Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
