Porn is love you can see.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
