Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
