Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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