worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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