Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
