I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
