walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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