And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Randomize
