I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
