I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
