He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
How external is "for external use only"?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
