try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
