I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
