my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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