I'm sorry my penis didn't work
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Randomize
