I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
