Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
