I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
