She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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