best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
