I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I wish there were birth control emojis
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
