and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
