Pants 0. Shit 1.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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