this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
