Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
