I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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