Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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