Where is the hickey?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
