We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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