Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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