I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
