i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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