I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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