plz talk dirty to me
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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