DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
