I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
