so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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